SoNG: Beautiful

Beautiful

WEFPJ Average Dyke Band - Helen Chaya (aka Freedwomon or Friendman)

PeHP Source: ADB songsheets 1985-87; ADB Dorm Recordings cassette (1986); 
Peace Camp Sings cassette (1987)

I tried so hard to be a sweet sixteen

Tore myself apart trying to be some sick boy fantasy

The way they wanted me to be but I could never be

Chorus:

I thought I could never be beautiful

I felt so weak inside

I felt a deep down fury growing that I learned to deny

I couldn't love myself, sometimes I wanted to die

The boys in school they teased, they called me ugly and fat

So I learned to hate myself, my body, to believe in that load of crap

"till a sweet woman friend, she took my hand to lead me out of their deadly trap

She told me I was beautiful

She told me I was strong inside

She said I had a deep down fury raging I could no longer deny

She told me that she loved me and we'd have to fight to survive

She knocked on the wall surrounding my pain

I saw her through the cracks but I was too scared to let her in

To come out of that space where I'd been numb and dying so long

But I saw that she was beautiful

She was so strong inside

We shared a deep down fury raging we could no longer deny

I knew I was in love with her and we'd have to fight to survive

I try to tear it down brick by brick

But you know those men (pricks), they laid their foundation so thick

And years of mind rape and mutilation don't come undone so quick

It sticks to my bones, it clogs up my blood and it beats on my brain

I hate them for making me hate myself

It took so long to find who I am

To find that I am beautiful, to feel strong inside

To let out the deep down fury raging that I can no longer deny

To finally love myself, you know, I'm fighting to survive