Monday, May 14, 2018

SoNG: Beautiful

WEFPJ Average Dyke Band - Helen Chaya (aka Freedwomon or Friendman)
PeHP Source: ADB songsheets 1985-87; ADB Dorm Recordings cassette (1986); 
Peace Camp Sings cassette (1987)

I tried so hard to be a sweet sixteen
Tore myself apart trying to be some sick boy fantasy
The way they wanted me to be but I could never be

I thought I could never be beautiful
I felt so weak inside
I felt a deep down fury growing that I learned to deny
I couldn't love myself, sometimes I wanted to die

The boys in school they teased, they called me ugly and fat
So I learned to hate myself, my body, to believe in that load of crap
"till a sweet woman friend, she took my hand to lead me out of their deadly trap

She told me I was beautiful
She told me I was strong inside
She said I had a deep down fury raging I could no longer deny
She told me that she loved me and we'd have to fight to survive

She knocked on the wall surrounding my pain
I saw her through the cracks but I was too scared to let her in
To come out of that space where I'd been numb and dying so long

But I saw that she was beautiful
She was so strong inside
We shared a deep down fury raging we could no longer deny
I knew I was in love with her and we'd have to fight to survive

I try to tear it down brick by brick
But you know those men (pricks), they laid their foundation so thick
And years of mind rape and mutilation don't come undone so quick
It sticks to my bones, it clogs up my blood and it beats on my brain
I hate them for making me hate myself
It took so long to find who I am

To find that I am beautiful, to feel strong inside
To let out the deep down fury raging that I can no longer deny
To finally love myself, you know, I'm fighting to survive

No comments:

Post a Comment